Free Dongle!  

Thank you for purchasing the ASUS Eee Pad Transformer Prime, and helping to make it the most popular Android based tablet since its launch in December 2011.

You pathetic sucker.

We greatly appreciate feedback about our products from you, and we take this feedback very seriously. The response to the Transformer Prime generally has been overwhelmingly positive, but we understand that, in certain situations, the GPS functionality has not met some users’ expectations.

Of the 112 people who bought an ASUS Transformer Prime, 110 sent us an email saying GPS on this device “sucks balls” and “doesn’t work at all, pretty much” and “seriously, why did I buy this and am I really surprised?” But otherwise, emails we received were pretty positive. One guy wrote, “I accidentally ordered this in a drunken haze.”

Although the Transformer Prime is not a professional GPS device, as part of our unwavering commitment to customers we are offering all Transformer Prime owners a free external GPS extension kit, called a dongle, which may help improve signal reception and optimize the user experience.

We’d love to be able to write “will definitely improve signal reception” but legal has informed us lying isn’t a good idea at this point.

We are pleased to announce this offer as part of our commitment to customer service, but it does not replace, alter or amend any existing warranties you may have.

We can’t even guarantee this awful dongle will work. In fact, we so thoroughly believe in it won’t we’re not even going to add to your warranty. We’re throwing you a life saver here, jerk, why do you keep focusing on the fact that it’s on fire? JUST GRAB IT.

ASUS prides itself on delivering an unrivalled user experience, and we offer our sincere apologies for any inconvenience that our customers may have encountered.

LOLOLOLOLOLOL

 
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